Original:
The sudden blaze of fire lit up a small amount of the darkness that controlled this area. It wasn’t enough to see anything important other than the hand that lit it. The hand moved swiftly, moving the flame quickly to something else. To the eyes of the prisoners that were held down here, it was all in slow motion. The flame eagerly grasped hold of its new life force and began to devour the oils and rags with glee. The torch burst into light causing most prisoners to back away from it. This was something they didn’t have the pleasure of having. Most down here had become so accustomed to the darkness the light from the meager torch was enough to cause serious pain to their eyes. The huddled in the corners away from the light that caused them pain. Some however; reached out for it, those that remembered what light was and how much they missed it. The sudden slap of a hand on another sent a gnarled and grimy hand snaked back into the darkness, a low yelp coming from within it.
“Stupid, I tell ya Briyo, stupid. ‘Dese idiotic criminols, dey don’t know what be good fer em.” The voice seemed to shatter the darkness surrounding in.
“Aye.” Another voice came quickly and did not have the sounds of ignorance wrapped around it.
“Dat is all you ever say Briyo!”
“Is it?”
“Ah, nev’r ye mind ya dolt.” The irritation expelled from the mouth of this one as they began to round a corner. The light seemed to push the darkness back, yet the darkness seemed to snake back behind it, ready to strike when the light weakened as to consume it whole!
“Enough chatter you two, let’s get the prisoner and get the abyss out of here. This place has never boded well with me.”
“Aye.” As soon as the words were finished the growl of the first could be heard.
“Dontcha ‘ear dat Briyo? Aye ‘dis, Aye ‘dat.” Another growl escaped this man’s lips and a sudden crack echoed through the corridor of stone. “hehe, ye hear that boyos!”
Edited:
A spark drilled into the darkness that controlled this area, easily disputing its control. The darkness fought back of course, yet it could not quash the spark that contested its reign. The spark, now undisputed, grew into a flame and then roared into existence. Its fuel was that of rags soaked in oil inside a glass and metal room. The flame eagerly grasped hold of its new life force and began to devour the oils and rags with glee and the darkness cringed in fear at its new ruler. Light that so eagerly shared itself shot out from the windows that tried in vain to hold it; washing over the bland stone walls and illuminating three worn and rugged male features. Unknown insects that hallowed the walls as home scattered away from the burning that now eagerly consumed their carapaces. To the eyes of the prisoners that were held down here, it was all in painful slow motion. This was something they didn’t have the pleasure of enjoying. Most of the prisoners down there had not seen light in years; because of it, their skin had become pale and sickly. Eyes sunk deep into their skulls. Most down here had become so accustomed to the darkness the light from the meager torch was enough to cause serious pain to their eyes. This light alone was enough to cause pain to their bodies and eyes. They cowered in corners as well, hiding their eyes and moaning from the sheer fear they were so accustomed to, the fear this place so forcibly shared. There were no cell windows, and the place stunk highly of excrement, urine and blood. Death lingered around the stagnant air, it was far worse than the stink of the mausoleums. Hands came from some of the cells through the food windows, grasping at the light that shared itself with them. Few still remembered what the others had long forgotten. The sudden slap of a hand on another sent a gnarled and grimy hand snaking back into the darkness, a deathly hallow of a yelp escaping from within it.
“Stupid, I tell ya Briyo, stupid. ‘Dese idiotic criminols, dey don’t know what be good fer em.” The voice intruded upon the other, torturous sounds that echoed these deathly halls. Bouncing from wall to wall, the voice trailed off into the enveloping darkness that surrounded them. The light kept it at bay, though some would say, barely.
“Aye.” Another voice came quickly and did not have the sounds of ignorance wrapped around it, though it still mingled with the faint echoes of the previous voice, its power won out and it continued its path of echoes.
“Dat is all you ever say Briyo!” The man held his voice hushed as his words took new power towards the unknown darkness, reverbing over the previous man’s statement. It was eerily creepy, and all three men stopped a moment, chancing looks around them. Up, down, left and right, forward and behind. They took no chances until the echoes ended.
“Is it?” Briyo’s question was genuine, yet whispered and clamped. The man holding the torch looked at him nodding his head. The three stopped as to finish their conversation. The two guards looked at each other as the third kept looking around.
“Ah, nev’r ye mind ya dolt.” The irritation expelled from the mouth of this one as they restarted their mission. Their steps, no matter how lightly they walked, were resounding around them, to the third guard, it seemed to overtake his senses, but he whirled his head to and fro and sighed as he saw the light push the darkness back, yet the darkness seemed to snake back behind it, ready to strike when the light weakened as to consume it whole.
“Enough chatter you two, let’s get the prisoner and get the abyss out of here. This place has never boded well with me.” As if taking a cue, each man looked around him taking a stance of awareness and focus. Each felt as if someone was watching them, yet it was hard to see anything, let alone really hear anything aside from the fear that permeated this place. The third guard felt a shiver cross his spine and he whirled around his hand on the hilt of his blade. Surprising the other two with his actions they whirled around in fear looking for anything that was to attack them, seeing nothing they looked to him in irritation. The first guard growled and shook his head. “Sorry, Eiden. Swore something touched me.” The echoing took over, and the first guard watched him until the echoes could be heard no more.
“Jest donna be scearin me like dat, ye acting like a pid’lin princess. Yeesh, Vax!” Eiden turned back around, continuing the party forward. Briyo looked to Vax and nodded his understanding. He smiled and moved forward. Briyo was a good sort, quiet but a good sort. Vax sighed and turned back towards his comrades. The shiver came again almost stopping him in his tracks but he forced himself forward to keep up with the one that held the light, the only salvation in this place. As they came to the door leading to the corridor holding the new prisoners they stopped. Eiden looked to each of them and shook his head.
“What?” Vax asked in very hushed voice. Surprising no echoes came this time. The door seemed to flatten and block his voice as well all other sounds.
“Be be’ng careful in ‘ere. I be ‘earing many a story bout dis place, aye?” Eiden looked genuinely spooked and he shook his head. “I be sure ye two be ‘earing da same I be.” Eiden put his hand on the door handle but paused as he looked to it. As if he were weighing the risk of going in against the lord’s orders. His hand was shaking a bit, and Vax cursed this place in his mind. He remembered the stories of what people told him. The stories of walking to your own death, how you’d feel it, the shivers, the cold, the fear, the sheer warning signs, and you’d even feel the finger of death upon you when it was almost your time. He had waved them away as mere rumors and superstitious bwent shit. Though now, ever fiber of his being was afraid to go through that door. He began to shake and both Briyo and Eiden looked to him, worry across their face. Vax closed his eyes and began to breathe. This was not a normal fear for him and he couldn’t look weak. He’d never live it down, but something was telling him in his very core that there was something wrong, and if he continued along this path, he wouldn’t live to hold his wife again. Eiden looked to Briyo , confused, Briyo returned a worried look. The looks disappeared as Vax stopped shaking and looked to them.
“Open it.” His voice was incredibly tight, as if death itself had his hands around his throat. It sent fear sprinting up the spines of both Briyo and Eiden. The handle unlatched, forcing all three to jump a bit. The echo down the hallway sent even more chills across the arms and neck of the three men. Eiden swung it wide and shook his head. He never thought it possible that darkness could get any blacker or deeper. A breath caught as his entire body seemed to be devoured by the darkness that occupied this new hallway. By the abyss the darkness they had came from seemed to melt into this one. Eiden could not believe it and by all that was holy, he vowed he’d visit the temples once this was over. He looked at the other two and saw they were in the same awe he was. He didn’t feel so bad, but he couldn’t be seen weak to these two, they’d never let him live it down. He sighed and pressed forward. The other two followed him closely. The door closed behind them softly , and without their knowledge. Neither of these three had ever been down here before and neither knew of the escape precautions that occupied this dungeon. They continued on down the corridor they all swore was directly to the abyss itself. Each man, quelled deep within them, the warning their minds were telling them. Death’s arms were wide open and accepting their souls down this very corridor.
There is a lot more I'm sure that I could add to this, but right now, I like it. The difference is amazing, in my opinion. It's just something else to sit down, look, and smile at how quick the idea comes, and how much more you can add to it! Feel free to leave comments, ideas, and even feedback if you'd like.
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